Hey guys! How are you all doing? I hope okay, because I am fantastic.The best I have felt all summer, actually. I love learning , I really do and my Psych Professor (Psychology) is amazing and is so funny and everything is great and fun, but I have always had one problem. Making decent friends, so far, in my school career, all together, I have met a bunch of people, but none seem to click. Let me explain, I didn’t come to college, to drink, smoke, have sex with anyone with a penis and dance my life away. I came to get my degree, join some clubs, make the dean’s list. I like to have fun, sure, but studying is imperative. It’s almost impossible to find that anywhere really. Other than that, my school life as a whole is generally fine. It’s just hard with the morals and priorities of certain people these days. (Shakes head in disappointment) I’m so happy, I even had a flashback to my ex and only got upset for 3 minutes, I timed it. I’m dong better, everything is just better. :) Thanks for reading, drop by tomorrow :) I have a new guy to tell you about and this time, I actually admit to having a liking for him :) <3 Ciao babies.
AS I have mentioned maybe once, or twice. I have only had sex, voluntarily, with one person, nope —– Mur — did not get the goods and I am really glad about that, but anyway it has only been 1, uno, un. The reason why is because when i was 16, I was an idiot and had sex with my boyfriend at that time, in my school, in a storage room. Dang, thank you teenage hormones, you freaking rock! Even though you guys don’t know me, it still hurt my soul to type that and to this day, I haven’t accepted it, I haven’t forgiven myself for being so dumb and letting someone smooth talk their way into my pants. I thought he loved me, I thought doing this for him was the best because it proved I loved him, or at least I thought, I thought…it was right. It’s not like it was just a one time thing, no, it was a regular thing after that my junior/senior (cause I graduates early) year. We probably had sex in there…4 times, but before that we had done stuff leading up to sex. A lot of stuff and at first, I was okay with my decision, because I just knew it was what everyone did, I don’t follow the crowd, but sex out of marriage HA! A whole butt load of people–this is a side not, but I couldn’t finish this post when I first started to write it. I started to write this last night, but I got really overwhelmed and I broke down. The fact that this is still effecting me this bad suggests that I need to really take the time and get my mind clear of this. I really thought the whole “fake it, till you make it” would work, but I still hurt some nights. My heart is hurting still from this and even though it’s been a while since it happened, I haven’t found it in myself to forgive myself. I’m letting this define me and it’s tearing me apart. I can hardly believe that I let a person sweet talk his way into my pants, into my heart, into my vagina. Just in my. He was someone I loved, and after while I could see that he was starting to not look at me and only me, He was starting to let money control his heart, he started to disrespect me and our relationship, but because I thought it was me and my fault, because I wasn’t his only…I guess priority? He was looking at other women, he curses and he whistled at me to get my attention. I wanted to stop having sex with him, because I had this huge pregnancy scare and after that I was done. Well, I thought it was, but I had guilt and my conscience was telling me that it was wrong and I wanted to stop, but when I think about it…We drifted apart, because I wanted to better myself and he didn’t. If anything, he got worse and it’s not that I miss him per-say, it’s more of, I have an ever lasting connection with that loser and I disappointed my parents and I disrespected myself. That’s the part that is really unforgiving is I disappointed my father. My father and I already have a weird relationship, but whatever happens. I’m his daughter and he’s my papa. And to disappoint him has destroyed me and I’m recovering, but I..can’t. I was hyperventilating and crying uncontrollably last night when I tried type this, but I;m just grateful and I thank Jehovah for being with me and helping me get through this and I’m thankful for you guys reading this and I hope you got a feel for my emotions. I did not go and proof read like I usually do, so I’m sorry for mistakes, but this was a very emotional post for me.Thank you guys for reading. Ill talk to you later. <3 Bye..
In my family, there is only one successful marriage. My father and my step mother, but even then..That took awhile to get in check, because of the whole stepparent role and the new children getting to know one another, but we eventually got it all cleared up. It took all of us about 5 years and it’s still not quite perfect, because I still feel weird around everyone so I just keep my mouth closed to keep peace. My family, currently, both mother and father’s side, consists of 3 marriages, 1 relationship, which is not me, and the rest are just single bitter women. I have a lot of women in my family, both mother and father. (Yay, not really. -.-) So much drama, so I exclude myself from everything, but out of the 4 marriages, only 1 isn’t corrupt. (My dad ans his wife) My mother has remarried, but she is kind of a gold digger and she is only with him for the money. Sad, right? My grandmother remarried, because she didn’t want to be alone anymore, shes 56. I don’t care how alone I am, I will get a dog, I will have 5, rather than marry a man, I don’t love. That’s rude and it’s disrespectful to marriage. Same with my mother, but basically the main topic of this post is to tell you guys, I have never had a good, healthy marriage to look up to when I was growing up. My parents were divorced when I was 6. As always in the south, the children went with the mother. All I can say is my mom has slept with a ton of men, I know I was young in all, but I have always been mature for my age because I was exposed to sex early. I was molested and raped by my uncle at a very young age and I had an older sister that told me everything. My mother is not the relationship type of person, even though she’s married. She still cheats on my step father, which is not cool by the way. She thinks she slick, but me being me, I find out stuff by accident. She’ll tell me to look at her phone and a message from a random number will be there saying how much he “Enjoyed the oral presentation”. In the words of my college “mentee”, “Like totally gross me out.” I can’t model my future marriage after that! Next! My grandmother? Yeah, keep dreaming. Next! My father and stepmother, well, their marriage is good now, because of religious reasons and they seemed to worked things out, but before this melancholy period started, my father used to drink and she’s really dramatic about everything. So, you know that didn’t mix. We had nights where I was convinced we were on was Monday night Raw (a wrestling show).They were so crazy. That’s not even the half of it, my father’s parents were worse, but basically, I have grown up with domestic violence problems and it scared me to think that may happen to me. I don’t want to have to whip up a batch of chloroform and knock out my husband. That;s okay, I can only pray and hope that I have taken all of this in as a lesson and will not become like them, because if that is the case, I will stay single, have my 5 dogs and live alone. The reason, I brought this up was because, —– Mur— and I decided to slow it down for awhile because he has to deploy soon and I’m visiting my parents and they kept me and my brother up all night screaming. You would think after 3 years, they would divorce by now, nope, not my money hungry mommy. I now know why I graduated early and left home, thank goodness I did. All I can say is that I’m sane now. All I want for my parents is to be happy, that’s why I left. <3 Thank you for reading dearie. :) Even though I made this blog to help get out what I was feeling, I’m appreciative that people are interested in my life and how I interpret certain situations in life. It means a lot. Talk to you soon <3
Hey guys, miss me? I apologize for going ghost like that, but I recently had a death in my family, but don’t worry. I am okay, and so is my family and we appreciate all the love and prayers we have received from everyone. Thank you all so much, but I didn’t come here to ruin your day with that, I promise. I came to make you laugh at a recent experience I have just had with —– Mur—. Remember when I told you about us kissing and it got really steamy yada yada etc? Okay, so that basically happened again. Were at my place this time though and I guess he was in the mood because I went to go wash my hands or the dishes or some form of washing with me at a sink…. but next thing I know I feel a sensation on my neck and around my waist that I like A LOT. He is kissing my neck and his hands are around rubbing my waist from the back so yes, I may have gotten a little turned on. Then he started whispering little cute, naughty things in my ear. I’m weak in the knees, I wanted to fall over. He turned me around and took me right to my bed and then that’s where the magic started. He put me down gently and took off his shirt, which is always amazing, then he kissed up my abs and took off mine. I don’t know what got into him, but I was definitely okay with it, because I love when a guy is like this to me. He started to kiss me in a passionate way I had to catch my breath after every kiss. It was as if his lips were cigarettes and I was the smoker.(I have never smoked a day in my life, I’m an asthmatic) It was so amazing, the way he let go after every encounter with our lips. Then he crept down to me chest and kissed there slowly slipping off my bra by his distracted kisses. He plays with my girls a little and sucks on them while he unbuttons his pants and takes them off leaving only his boxers on. Mr. —– Mur— is seriously packing ;). he tickled my stomach a little as he pulled off my pants which were kind of tight so my panties came off too. He turned really red from blushing and apologized, but i told him it was okay and that he can keep going. So, what he did next was the best I have ever had. (Keep in mind, I have only slept with one guy.), but he started to finger me and maybe he looked up a video, but before I knew it I was grabbing on to the sheets as if someone were trying to steal my sheets and I didn’t want to let go. It was so good, the way he teased me by kissing my inner thighs and rubbing my vagina before he actually went in, but all of a sudden the sensation stopped and I heard laughing. Now that I am out of my daze, he is basically in tears of laughter. Why? I farted while he was fingering me. PLOT TWIST! Oh my goodness,my face cheeks burned from embarrassment. I wanted to cry, but I played along and laughed with him. We stopped after that, because that was something to really break the mood there. He was okay about it, but I really just want to crawl in a hole and die. I’m never doing that again. Oh man, I hope that made you guys laugh and hopefully didn’t give some an erection. Ha. It’s ruined now huh. Thanks for reading. Talk to you later, bye Je nous aimons my lovelies <3
I was cleaning up my kitchen when a random thought occurred: I would never go out on a date with someone I just met…to the movies. You may think, dude, it’s a date and generally, for girls, it’s a free movie. Hear me out on this one. The only way you’ll be interested in each other is if you guys are going to watch a movie, but not watch the movie. You catch my drift? For those of you that have the mind set of Sheldon Cooper, it means you go to the movies to make out, or in some cases, I have heard about, have sex. Those of you, that have class, would understand if it’s a movie that you both want to see, there will hardly be any talking going on besides a side comment here and there, the awkward chat before the movie starts and when the movie is over to give your critique on the movie. It’s pretty lame to me, I enjoy talking and getting to know the person I’m interested in and especially face-to-face! (OOOOOOHHH Throwback) With technology nowadays, people text all day long, but when I see them in person, I get the “deer in the headlights” look. It’s almost as if they forgot how to be social outside of being behind a screen. It’s so crazy how we get caught up in technology and appear to be almost like crackheads when it comes to finding signal and don’t get me started on free wifi. *facepalm* What I have done to kind of detach myself from my electronics is I unplug from all social networks from 7am-7pm. (The reason I haven’t posted in a while, sorry I still love you guys) It seriously helps though, I get a lot more done and I am a lot more focused. You have no idea how much we mindlessly go onto facebook, instagram, or even pintrest and just scroll down looking at the same posts we saw 30 minutes ago as if something is supposed to change. It’s so sad, but that is why I will gain control of this situation. Wow, this went completely off topic from dates, I guess that’s why it’s called “random” and not “organized” huh? :) Thanks for reading. I’ll talk to you later my lovelies. <3 Ciao
I will let you guys in on a very personal event that happened while I was in high school. I had to do everything early, I graduated early in high school, I took summer classes in college so I got done early as well…So, all in all, everything is just early. Some people yell at me, “Lucky! You get a head start on life!!” Um, who wants to get head start on paying bills like insurance, electricity and the freaking car note? Who wants to get an early start to applying and dealing with financial aid and being on this huge college campus when you’re under aged so you have to keep it a secret so no one runs saying “Jail Bail”!” . It was very challenging and I definitely just cried some days. The reason I got a head start on everything is because of an ex that I had in high school. We dated for nearly 2 years, he was my first time, voluntarily, that is. The reason it sticks out more than your average teenage sex story is because we had sex in the school storage room after I finished performing at a concert. No class, right? Well, we didn’t actually get found out until about a year later. My mom, step dad and I were in the living room and she kept hinting about sex that whole night. And when she asked me, I didn’t lie and of course, she went insane. That year I was a junior in high school, but I was considered a senior because I was a whole grade level ahead. So, after that, she said…I think you need to graduate. So, I did and when the day of graduation came, she didn’t help me get ready, she didn’t take pictures with me, or even saw me that day matter of fact. Talk about some major BullS. That was in March so you can imagine the depression I went in, my grades dropped a lot, even though I still kept all scholarships, but it was by .1 of a point that I did. It was a tough time and that guy i dated left, and I went insane. I have never been so mean to a human being in my life. He took my first time and ran with it…and ever since then. I have never slept with someone. I know right, I’m seriously a goody, but the way my parents, especially my dad, was disappointed in me, I could never find myself to have sex again. Even though I crave sex like a male, but I just kind of read a book. play a video game, let my younger brother spend the night at my place to get on my nerves. I will admit, I have tried masturbating, who hasn’t, but it’s not fun, nor is it pleasurable. At least to me, I probably go thirty seconds tops and in my head I’m like, “Alright, I’m bored”. The reason I probably haven’t gone stark raving mad is because I have a great support system and lots of furry love. :) I thank them on a daily basis, don’t know what I would do without them. Thanks for reading my deaeries. Don’t try to track down my ex in high school and kill him, —–Mur—– is already on it ;) <3
I am decently fit, I was a whooping 178 pounds. All of that weight was on this petite 5 feet and 1 inch body, I was fat. Not thick, not curvy, I was F-A-T. I have seen way too many girls that are fat, or my nicer way is fluffy, say they are thick and/or curvy. NO, there is a HUGE difference. With America being the second fattest country in the world, I can see why some people have made it acceptable to call those who are over weight, “thick” and “curvy”. It is almost like your favorite comfort food,(mine is chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream) it makes you feel better. Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t want you thinking “Oh, (Miss)Underst00d thinks fluffy people are ugly” Um, no, I have seen plenty of beautiful fluffy people i.e: my best friend, but you just have to be completely real with yourself. The reason I bought this up is because I was being harassed by this fluffy lady in Fresh market. I had just left the gym and she was staring me down. Can I have my face back, please? I asked her why is she staring at me and she said, She could never deal with being as skinny as me, “I prefer being thick with my curves” *Stops car* HOLD THE PHONE, excuse me lady? I do not workout 6 times a week to be called “skinny”, 1! 2, you act like being fit is a bad thing. 3, you are not thick, you are fluffy, The gut hanging down to your knees is not thickness, that’s fluff. You guys probably think I am really mean, but I promise I am not. If anything, I have my own fitness page thriving on Instagram right now and I love helping people lose weight, or helping their confidence, but don’t you ever, EVER, patronize me on being fit. That is a no no. Just in case, you are in denial. I will explain what thick and curvy is. Thick and curvy is, even though I don’t like her, Kim Kardasian. Another, Beyonce, Monique and Shakira. I’ll even throw Oprah in the mix. They are generally physically fit and healthy, but because of their body types, they have nice round booties and a very well shaped hour glass figure. There is nothing wrong with being fluffy and having confidence, but generally what happens is confidence turns into being conceded and that is not a good thing. No one has the right, no matter how fit they are, no matter how beautiful they are. Modesty is key. Okay? I apologize my dearies, I was just a tad angry from that. Je nous aimons my loves <3